Before
I suggest some conversational topics, keep this rule in mind: the main purpose
of this conversation is not for you to tell him all about you. It’s for you to
encourage him to talk about himself. When he opens up and reveals things
to you that matter to him, it creates a bond. Good listeners are few and far
between in this world, and when someone seems genuinely interested in us
and is an attentive listener, we naturally want to be around them.
NOTE:
You may encounter men who enjoy talking about themselves TOO much.
If he simply will not shut up, or his tendency is to “brag” rather than “share,”
then by using these techniques you’ll find out very quickly if he’s a guy you
can’t see yourself dating. Here’s an interesting technique to use. My friend
Dean Cortez, the popular dating coach for men, studied the tactics used by
Hostage Negotiators in order to come up with strategies for “emotionally connecting”
with people. (You’ve seen Hostage Negotiators before, in the movies and on TV…when
the bad guys are holed up with a bunch of hostages, or someone is standing on
the roof of a building and threatening to
jump,
a Negotiator gets called in to talk to them and get them to surrender
peacefully.) Negotiators are highly trained in conversational tactics that are designed
to quickly create an emotional connection with the other person. One
technique Dean told me about, which is great to use when you’re chatting with
men, is to use what are called “Minimal Encouragers.”
MINIMAL ENCOURAGERS
These
are simply short phrases which you’ll say while the other person is telling you
something about himself. Minimal Encouragers are designed to show that you’re
listening, and that you’re interested and want them to continue.
Examples:
“That’s
so interesting. Tell me more.”
“Wow,
I never knew that. How did you learn about that?”
“I
feel exactly the same way…”
“You
and I are really on the same page, I couldn’t agree more…”
And
now, you’re encouraging him to continue talking. You’re not jumping in with
your own thoughts or your own stories. As for how you get him to start talking
about things that matter to him, we’ll give you a big list of questions in a
moment that are excellent for sparking conversations and keeping them flowing.
Inspired from Penguin Method “ women guidance to find the love of their life”
