WHAT YOU SHOULDN’T TALK ABOUT

As I said before, you want to avoid long-winded discussions about your ex. It’s a radioactive topic. Furthermore, don’t say anything negative about any of the men you’ve been with in the past. He might bring up the subject first, by making a sarcastic comment about his ex-girlfriend or ex-wife; this does NOT mean you know have the right to tell him a story about your ex-boyfriend slept with one of your friends. Men AND women judge each other on how we talk about our exes. Maybe we don’t do it consciously, but we judge each other on this just the same. If you talk about how your ex-boyfriend cheated on you, he’s might think,

1. That you have a history of dating jerks (which diminishes your value in his eyes), or

1. There’s something wrong with you that MAKES men cheat on you!

If you mention how your ex was a loser, in his mind, you must not be much of a prize yourself. Why else would you date such a man? Think about it if the situation was reversed, and a guy you just met started telling you how his ex-girlfriend was a lying slut. He’d lose some points with you, wouldn’t he? After all, what kind of guy would get mixed up with a lying slut?

EMOTIONAL CONVERSATION CONNECTORS

Right from the start, you should aim to set yourself apart from the other women he has dated. One of the most powerful ways to do this is through compelling conversation. You know how women are fond of talking about “chemistry?” We dream of meeting a guy and it feels like the two of us have known each other forever, and getting together with him feels like “destiny.” Well, men also love the idea of “chemistry.” As we talked about

before, the typical guy has plenty of his own challenges, frustrations and pressures on the dating scene. One of the biggest pressures a guy feels is to have to carry the conversation the whole time. Think about what he’s up against…

• There’s some unwritten rule that says HE is the one who has to approach the woman and “break the ice” by saying something witty.
• HE is the one who needs to figure out how to get her phone number, without seeming too bold, and without scaring her off.
•  And if he’s lucky enough to get her to agree to go out on a date with him, he’s the one who has to choose the location, arrange everything, and make sure she feels comfortable and has an enjoyable time. He will feel pressure to keep the conversation flowing, since one of his biggest fears will be the dreaded “awkward silence.”

Therefore, if he meets a woman who makes him feel as if they share a connection—AND she takes the “conversational pressure” off of him, by having interesting things to say, and interesting questions to ask—believe me, he’s going to want to spend more time with that gal! Chatting with him about these questions can accomplish multiple things:

You’re creating chemistry with him. He gives his answer to your question, then you share your own answer. The two of you are now sharing on a very personal level—a level that is way beyond any conversation he’s had recently with a woman he just met.

You’re getting to know him in a deeper sense. You’re learning what makes him tick. Hopefully, as he answers your questions and shares his thoughts and feelings, you’ll get the feeling that the two of you will be compatible. (If you get the sense that the two of you WON’T be compatible, then it’s better for you to find this out now-- rather than weeks or months from now, when you’ll have wasted your time on a relationship with a guy that isn’t going anywhere!)

You’re distinguishing yourself from the other women he normally meets. He will see you as someone he can share his thoughts, emotions, dreams, and fears with. He will look forward to his conversations with you, because you understand him in a way that most other people don’t.

When you share your thoughts on the question, and talk about your own hopes/dreams/fears/feelings, it’s an opportunity for him to

understand YOU on a deeper level. You can mention how you’re ambitious about a goal. Or passionate about a cause. Or how much you value your family and friends. It can create an opportunity for you to mention a talent or an accomplishment you are proud of, or for you to talk about the things in life that inspire you. These questions can be gateways to amazing conversations. (Just be sure what when you ask him one of these questions, you have your own answer ready to discuss!)

Inspired from Penguin Method “ women guidance to find thelove of their life”

THE PASSION PRINCIPLE

My friend Dean often tells his male students that one of the most attractive qualities a guy can possess—and display to women—is PASSION. There is a difference between your hobbies and interests, and the things in your life that truly inspire you. By mentioning things you are passionate about, you set yourself apart from the average person, whose lives are a monotonous routine. Nothing really gets them excited. Obviously, it isn’t particularly enjoyable to be around these kinds of people. So during the conversation, you can find ways to get him to express his own passions (which are things men LOVE to talk about), and then express some passions of your own. Here’s an example of something fun you could say, to get him talking about his passions:

“The other day, the craziest thing happened. My friend Sarah bought a ticket for the Powerball lottery—the jackpot was like $100 million—and when they announced the winning number, her number was off by only one digit. The very last digit! For a few seconds she thought she was actually going to win all that money. So we got to talking afterwards about what we would do if we won the Powerball…what do you think? How would you spend your days if you had a hundred million bucks and never needed to work another day in your life?” If he answers with a joke (as guys often will), 

share what it is YOU would do if you won the lottery. Have something interesting to say. Would you buy an apartment in Paris and take up painting? Would you move to an island in the Caribbean and write a novel? Would you start a charitable foundation? Your answer will prompt him to “get real” and talk about how he really would spend his time, if money was no longer a concern. In a moment, we’ll give you a whole list of other questions you can ask to keep him sharing with you, and having fun with the conversation. But first, let’s look at the things that you should definitely not talk about during this early stage.

 

Inspired from Penguin Method “ women guidance to find thelove of their life”

WHAT YOU SHOULD TALK ABOUT

Before I suggest some conversational topics, keep this rule in mind: the main purpose of this conversation is not for you to tell him all about you. It’s for you to encourage him to talk about himself. When he opens up and reveals things to you that matter to him, it creates a bond. Good listeners are few and far between in this world, and when someone seems genuinely interested in us and is an attentive listener, we naturally want to be around them.

NOTE: You may encounter men who enjoy talking about themselves TOO much. If he simply will not shut up, or his tendency is to “brag” rather than “share,” then by using these techniques you’ll find out very quickly if he’s a guy you can’t see yourself dating. Here’s an interesting technique to use. My friend Dean Cortez, the popular dating coach for men, studied the tactics used by Hostage Negotiators in order to come up with strategies for “emotionally connecting” with people. (You’ve seen Hostage Negotiators before, in the movies and on TV…when the bad guys are holed up with a bunch of hostages, or someone is standing on the roof of a building and threatening to

jump, a Negotiator gets called in to talk to them and get them to surrender peacefully.) Negotiators are highly trained in conversational tactics that are designed to quickly create an emotional connection with the other person. One technique Dean told me about, which is great to use when you’re chatting with men, is to use what are called “Minimal Encouragers.”

MINIMAL ENCOURAGERS

These are simply short phrases which you’ll say while the other person is telling you something about himself. Minimal Encouragers are designed to show that you’re listening, and that you’re interested and want them to continue.

Examples:

“That’s so interesting. Tell me more.”

“Wow, I never knew that. How did you learn about that?”

“I feel exactly the same way…”

“You and I are really on the same page, I couldn’t agree more…”

And now, you’re encouraging him to continue talking. You’re not jumping in with your own thoughts or your own stories. As for how you get him to start talking about things that matter to him, we’ll give you a big list of questions in a moment that are excellent for sparking conversations and keeping them flowing.

Inspired from Penguin Method “ women guidance to find the love of their life”